I've been thinking a lot about children lately. Wait, let me clear that up; I mean I've been thinking a lot about NOT having children lately. In fact, I've been trying to figure out a reason why I should be in a relationship at all. Everyone, and I mean every single person I know who has a partner is unhappy. Most of them are divorced, or on the verge of separation, and the others are miserable for one reason or another.
And here I was, thinking that a partner should be a happy thing in one's life.
Anyhoo, back to the children thing. I've never really liked 'em. Why is that? Is there a cure? There's got to be a good reason why people hav'em, right? Must be because they will take care of you when you are old and unable to provide for yourself.
No one will be taking care of me. Then, what will happen?
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Hey I am with a girl and i am SUUUUPER happy!!!
ReplyDeleteYou've only been dating for a couple weeks, Biggie. Give it some time :-P
ReplyDeleteNo sabía que no te gustarán los niños. Y yo creo que el "ser feliz" te atañe, sin excepciones, solamente a ti. Es decir, nadie en este mundo tiene el "poder" y/o no tiene la responsabilidad de hacernos felices, excepto por nosotros mismos.
ReplyDeleteLo que quiero decir es que, estar o no estar en una relación, tener o no tener hijos(as), no debe determinar el grado de felicidad en tu vida.
Tú, mi querida Na, tienes la elección de ser o no ser feliz sin importar...dónde vives, con quién vives, qué haces, etc.
Te quiero
A cure? That's crazy! Not liking children isn't a disease!
ReplyDeleteAnd being old doesn't mean you need to be taken care of. My neighbors are in their 70-80s and they're as strong and as energetic as athletes training for the Olympics. My tai chi master is also around the same age and he pretty much kicks everybody's ass. He does so with great humility :P
Enjoy solitude, it's fun. You get to do whatever you want without checking with anyone. Literally. But you already know that.
I'll be living a very long life, so I'll be able to take care of you, Natalie. (signed: Mom ;)) As for a "cure"...well, it's hard to say and it's something I can almost only say to you in private. One doesn't go around town and say things like children are hard to take care of, break frail relationships, make you go beyong your limits, impede your freedom, etc. One thing is for sure. I think that if you do have children (accident or intended), you should give it all you are able to give them. I'd go on and say that you should take care of you too in the process, but really, it's nearly impossible. It's very hard work and time consuming for many many years. So what I say to you is this: live up to your expectations, dreams and don't be afraid of feeling what you are feeling. If you don't want any children, then, you must therefore know yourself very well and know not to put yourself in a situation of desperation and of non-return. Each person knows what they want/are able to do. You know what you want. Go get it and don't let society dictate you a pattern on which you think you must live by.
ReplyDeleteMom xx
I think the reason people end up not liking children is that when they do have them (couples, full of hope), they expect to get love from them. In other words, they expect to RECEIVE. They don't. They're the ones who have to GIVE at all times and discipline them continuously. I see it everyday. I see it with my co-workers who recently had children and I see it with my next-door neighbours. They want love from the children, but what they get instead, is responsibility, work, aggravation, etc. You end up dealing with learning disabilities, behaviour problems or other drawback. You want to play with your child but the child does not really look at you all that much. Instead, he is immersed in one's play and egocentricity (which is normal, of course). You asked...so I reply.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, the government will take care of you when you're old... keuf keuf!
ReplyDeleteThat's not very optimistic Nat :P Crissy and I have been together for nearly 4 years and we are as happy as ever. There's no point worrying about how things might end up in the future. Just enjoy the now :)
ReplyDeleteMatty, you and Cris are the exception to the rule! You are both awesome and I miss you terribly!
ReplyDeleteOdds of marriage ending in divorce = 2.3
ReplyDeletehttp://j.mp/9FTIaD
I think there's a relation with the odds of developing a mental disorder, regardless of whether it's before or after marriage.
I agree, Long.
ReplyDeleteRecently, I've been hearing so many people complaining about their marriage/divorce. It's driving them nuts, and with good reason. Lawyers and counseling and mediators and whatnot.... It would make anyone go crazy!
I think I'm going to have a major career change. The next time we see each other, I will be a divorce lawyer making tons of money off of people who have chosen to make their lives miserable ;)
ReplyDeleteHi Nat! Just discovering your blog :)
ReplyDeleteEven though having kids is at first an instinct (and an essential one duh), it is basically a purely selfish move. The search for a sense of purpose in life and fear of loneliness are very common motivations. And one more thing: what's more naive than thinking that your kid will turn out according to your expectations or values?! You may have 6 kids, maybe not a single one of them will come and visit you when you are old and lonely. You can STILL die alone.
Bottom line is: most of the parents I know had kids for the wrong reasons and would have been much better off developing other skills than parenthood. I'm one of those people. I wouldn't be a good parent so I'm working on finding a sense of accomplishement in other life projects.
That's an interesting way to look at it, Ariane. Definitely something to think about!
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